Sunday, February 1, 2009
Week 5, Chapter 5: Communicating in person, in meetings, by telephone and digitally
Read the following article titled, “Words Don’t Mean What They Mean” by Steve Pinker at http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1659772,00.html Describe your reaction to the article, and how what you’ve learned from it can be applied to the workplace. Be specific.
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17 comments:
I have learned that even when one speaks what is on their mind, that it can come off as innuendo. Even when one speaks what is truth to them it can come off as a lie to another.
My reaction to the article is one of conflict. Yes we can say please, thank you, you are welcome, ect.; but to some it still may sound as if we are taking a dominate point. No matter how carefully we think of our words there will still be some who take offense to them. We do a lot of trail and error in our speech and hope that the one listening takes it as we mean it.
I think the article is right and in a perfect world it sounds wonderful. Sadly we do not live in a perfect world and need to take into consideration the listeners background: culture, language, beliefs, and values, into account.
There are several reasons why people don’t say what they mean. Nobody wants to get slapped or embarrassed like Dustin Hoffman, others are too afraid of rejection. Depending on the situation, it can be rude. As for the Mafia example, if its not straight forward, its not illegally threatening. Americans have many ways we talk and making someone read between the lines is one of them.
I was in a personal situation once where I was straight forward and it worked extremely well. Everyone was shocked and laughing at the same time because I never act that way. I believe it depends on the person and the situation. Most of the time we are able to read between the lines, but sometimes we aren’t sure and that can be uncomfortable.
In business, it can also go both ways. People are ready to sue for anything. Things can be straightforward and still be misunderstood five different ways by five different people. The best thing we can do is analyze the situation and think before we speak.
I have to agree with Kari to a degree. Sometimes its better to use innuendo and not be blunt. Reasons can range from common politeness or trying not to anger someone on a touchy subject.
However, there are rare times when "beating around the bush" just doesn't work. For example, you have a lazy coworker who hasn't been doing anything all day and you want them to do something, saying "Hey, would you mind doing X," just might not work, because they could turn around and say "Yes, actually I do mind," and you're stuck. In that situation, you might not have any choice but to say "Look, I've been doing all the work, I need you to do X right now."
I could completely relate to with what this article said. I many times myself have said something and it has come across completely different than what it was supposed to mean. I have learned from this article, that with certain people you have to be careful with choosing what you are going to say to them and how it may affect them. You have to take into consideration their gender, age and even culture background into mind.
I have found this article to be very interesting. I am one that speaks direct and to the point. I have been in management and found that the direct approach works best for me. I am able to do this without being rude. I feel that "beating around the bush," sets a person up for mass confusion and choas. However, after reading this article I will watch my tone so I do not offend anyone.
After reading this article, I'm reminded of the movie "Liar, Liar" and how difficult it was for Jim Carrey's character to tell the truth. Since we are looking at movies and television, the movie "What Women Want" also comes to mind. Mel Gibson could hear people's thoughts and we saw how life could possibly be if something like this could actually happen.
I was an employee for a large retail chain and it was necessary for me to be polite to my customers. If my thoughts were audibly heard, it would not have been long before the customer complaints about me would have gotten me fired.
On the other hand, I was a department manager and had to be clear in my directions to fellow employees. Time is always an issue at the workplace so we need to be understood the first time around. In a supervisory position, you also need to be clear when the employee is not performing up to company standards.
In my non-professional life, I tend to be very blunt. I don't mince words with the people I am close to. I have learned that being honest in relationships is very valuable. Being honest is also crucial when mentoring inmates in jail. I am not helping them if I am not being honest with them.
In conclusion, I feel that honesty is the best policy and, in the words of Thumper in the movie "Bambi", "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
After reading the article Words Don’t Mean What They Mean by Steve Pinker, I never realized that having calibrated messages effect others comprehension so dramatically. In example, with the phrase “would you like to come up for coffee”, can mean two totally different things; so can “would you like to stay late and work on some papers”? If you want to get your message across the way you would like it to you must think of the pitch, tone, and speed that you are speaking. If a female co-worker asked if I wanted to stay late and “work on some papers”, in a low sexy voice, well I might consider. On the other hand if she sounded more serious and well, we were going to stay late and “work on some papers”. Well, I probably wouldn’t stay too late!
From the article, I find it very true in reality. We all say we want someone to say the honest truth, but can we ever handle the truth? I think being straight forward and honest is a bit different in the business world. When working in a business atmosphere, one must always pay attention to their surroundings. Around people I am familiar with I use sarcasm and humor on a regular basis. Sarcasm and humor however, are not always appropriate in the work place, as they can be taken literally. Being direct and forthcoming in business is a more effective way of communication. I do feel that when giving constructive criticism, you should be honest but always start out with the positive and not let the subject feel as though you are being negative. I myself prefer people to be blunt and honest, but at times I think some negativity should be keep to aside. It never hurts to be honest about something nice.
I found this article very interesting. In the business world people really need to be careful to what they say because it could very well get them in trouble. Someone can take something the wrong way even if you didn't mean it in that way.
When I talk to my family and friends we joke around but sometimes they take the joke the wrong way, even I take what they say the wrong way sometimes.
I think people just need to be careful on what they are saying, especially in the business world.
The article “Words Don’t Mean What They Mean”, I found very interesting and true. There are a lot of people that use innuendos. I think in a work setting employees shouldn’t use innuendos. You need to be more clear and decisive so there is no confusion on what the purpose of the conversation is. An example of would be the saying “She sure gets around”. I have heard this more than one time at an office I used to work at. Being a new employee at the time, I wasn’t really sure on how to take that comment because I didn’t know anything about the person they were talking about. That made me feel really uncomfortable. I thought this innuendo was very inappropriate. There many more of these types of sayings or any type of innuendos that shouldn’t be said in the workplace.
Wow! What a terrific article. I really like what Steve Pinker had to say about the twisted nature of our verbal communication. I couldn't agree more with Steve's conclusions about our reasons for saying what we say. I find this very thing in the workplace all the time. For instance, just yesterday I stroll in the door of my work and proclaim to all in ears reach, "Good afternoon!" Immediately, everyone new I was having a good day. So when I cordially asked one of my coworkers how her week was she responded with a very melancholy, "Same old, same old." Of course she meant her week was boring, sickening, and just plain terrible; however, the mood in the room had just been set, and she wouldn't have wanted to bring it down. But her comment didn't lighten the room. Instead, her coded message just added to the gloom, by adding a layer of tension between the two of us due to her dishonesty. I would have much rather preferred a straightforward answer, that would have made me feel respectable. When my coworker assumes I won't catch her true message, I feel belittled. So, the evening continued, and I took it upon myself to distance myself from the negativity. Our verbal communication was greatly damaged and I struggled the rest of the night to regain the line. This, as others can attest to, is a very frustrating process.
Wow! What a terrific article. I really like what Steve Pinker had to say about the twisted nature of our verbal communication. I couldn't agree more with Steve's conclusions about our reasons for saying what we say. I find this very thing in the workplace all the time. For instance, just yesterday I stroll in the door of my work and proclaim to all in ears reach, "Good afternoon!" Immediately, everyone new I was having a good day. So when I cordially asked one of my coworkers how her week was she responded with a very melancholy, "Same old, same old." Of course she meant her week was boring, sickening, and just plain terrible; however, the mood in the room had just been set, and she wouldn't have wanted to bring it down. But her comment didn't lighten the room. Instead, her coded message just added to the gloom, by adding a layer of tension between the two of us due to her dishonesty. I would have much rather preferred a straightforward answer, that would have made me feel respectable. When my coworker assumes I won't catch her true message, I feel belittled. So, the evening continued, and I took it upon myself to distance myself from the negativity. Our verbal communication was greatly damaged and I struggled the rest of the night to regain the line. This, as others can attest to, is a very frustrating process.
I couldn't agree more with what Steve Pinker stated in his article that people often have a hidden message under what they are actually telling you. To me I like being straight forward instead of beating around the bush like Peggy stated and would hope that the person i'm communicating with can realize it and communicate back to me with the same technique.
Many people can find it to be rude but i look at it as being honest and getting straight to the point. Also an advantage of "telling it like it is" is that it avoids any confusion and makes it almost impossible to send a message that condridicts with what your goal in the conversation is.
In my oppinion i think how we communicate in todays society is a weak form and could be improved upon if people just tell the truth and are able to handle any sort of adversity becuase i feel like it's a guessing game on what the person is really trying to tell you and i feel like it's a poor communication
This article contained areas in which words used, are not always the words intended by the speaker.I totally agreed with the part about "word games" when the "cup of coffee" remark was made. That the speaker was a man whose real intent was sexual. Later in the article, my brain got "clogged" with the political references.
Remembering times in my life; personal or professional, there were many times when I knew what I was thinking,but did not know the right choice of words to express my thoughts.
The converse of those situations, were people communicating with me. And I misunderstood, their choice of words.
In summary, my thoughts are "back to the basics." Babies have different cries for different needs. As mothers are starting the communication process with their babies, I needed to really try hard to understand the meaning of the thoughts being conveyed to me by others. Or search for a better choice of words to get my message relayed.
This happens a lot when communicating with diverse culturs; but also, in everyday conversation.
So it was a personal challenge to me to go through the process of "word choices." One learns new word usage and actually enjoys the journey of communicating with others.
I found that this article is true in many ways. We can be saying one thing and meaning another. It is the same in the workplace, you may take something the wrong way because you are used to hearing it used another way outside of the workplace. I also agree with Elizabeth about how we can say please and thank you and still be taking dominate point.
I fully agree with the article. I used to work in a bar and I constantly had to use innuendos, veiled threats, and euphemisms when speaking with different customers. I had to convey various different meanings in the words I used, and I had to be very careful in how I said things because of the alcohol factor.
Any sales job requires an ability to imply things while saying them tactfully in order to inform the paying customer of all necessary details without offending that client’s sensibilities. As a server, I say things like “This appetizer is a favorite among our guests.” This implants more than one thought in a customer’s mind:
1. I consider you a guest as opposed to a customer. “Guest” is a much more personal and welcoming word.
2. You would be truly missing out on an experience that has been enjoyed by many others. It is human nature for us (people) to loathe the idea of missing out on something. Even as children, we fought sleep because we were worried something fun might happen while we were sleeping.
Various jobs need people who have the ability to “sell” conversational meaning. In the medical field, we need people who have empathy and tact and have the ability to relay bad news with as little damage as possible. Elementary teachers need to communicate lessons to children in ways that seem fun in order to keep their attention. Actors and actresses sell themselves in everything they do and say. They need to be able to make people believe that they are they are exactly when someone has been waiting for.
Being adept in conversational ability will open doors to people that would otherwise be closed.
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